I must confess that my faith journey has been less of a discovery that adds to what I know and more of a discovery of what I will never know, at least this side of eternity. When I made a commitment to follow Christ I naively assumed that the longer I pursued Him the more I would understand Him. I have to say, I know Jesus better every day; our relationship has grown over time and my faith has strengthened. Still, I am not comfortable saying I understand Him more and would even go as far as to say that the more I get to know Him the more I am at a loss when I try to explain how He works.
The basics stay the same and the good news message remains unchanged.
I am not trying to alarm you. I have not embraced some new religion that seeks to redefine what it is to be a Christian. I am simply lost in the complexity of the one who can only be described as He described Himself – I AM.
This I AM was and is and is to come, a feat that can only be achieved by a being that is outside of time and unaffected by deterioration, something I cannot fathom.
This I AM knows what I am going to say before I say it and yet asks me to tell Him anyway.
This I AM knows my deepest thoughts and yet still wants to have a relationship with me.
This I AM can take what I consider useless and use it for what He considers incredibly important.
This I AM is never shocked by what happens and yet still does not wipe out the world.
This I AM speaks and it happens but often remains silent when I think He should speak to make something happen.
This I AM… I could go on and on but I would still be lost.
My eternal state of being lost has been addressed but my mortal being is still lost as I try to make sense of the Immortal One. Unlike being lost in my sin, this form of being lost is not scary nor does it impact eternity. There is a certain peace in knowing that in my current state of imperfection I cannot even begin to comprehend the ways of a perfect being; still I want to know more.
I’d rather be lost as I pursue a better understanding of God than be confident in my own understanding of God.
I have heard it all! At least I think I have heard it all! You never know what will be the next doctrinal shift that forms a movement leading to a group of people identifying themselves by the last name of a theologian with “ist” tacked on the end.
A book that both invites choice and suggests a predestined path, a book that encourages prayer and faith as the basis of God taking action while documenting God’s choice to not act when some prayers were offered in faith, a book that reveals a God that acts both out of His anger and His grace, a book that says we are saved by faith not by works then says that faith without works is dead, a book that… instead of going on why don’t I just say that even with a Bible, I don’t fully understand and I’m okay with that.
I am a seeker every day of my life, never fully understanding but never lacking either.
I have no problem with man trying to understand God; I have admitted to doing the same thing in this post. My problem begins when man’s ideas are adopted by man as if we have solved the mystery of God. God is not a mystery to be solved. God is far beyond our comprehension and His ways, as much as we think we have them figured out, are far beyond our understanding. God’s revelations of how He works are limited so that we can grasp in our imperfect state, a small part of His perfect state.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. Proverbs 3:5-7 (NIV)
One day we will see God and we will understand but until then we will remain the lost who are found but still lost, so we must trust and submit to Him and He will lead us on the straight path of His perfection. No one has it all figured out!