Do You Know What Hurts The Most?

It has been a long road of recovery, one that has and still takes unexpected twists and turns. Pain has not been conquered by medication and treatments. Time may heal all wounds but moving like I am a 90 year old until I am 90 years old isn’t as much time healing all wounds as it is time and wounds finally matching. Through all this there is one thing that hurts the most and it probably isn’t what you would expect.

It all started with squirrels in my attic.

If you think I need professional help you are right. I need a wild animal control company to remove the squirrels in my attic; what were you thinking? I tried myself and all I ended up with was pain. The morning after the first time I went out to spray repellent on the roof vent the squirrels were calling their front door, my knee didn’t feel quite right. It got worse throughout the week until I couldn’t sleep at night.

The morning after the second time I went out to spray repellent on the roof vent the squirrels were calling their front door, my knee, that had started to feel better, felt even worse than the first time. I was waking up all night long even on strong painkillers and I had to use a cane. It hurt but it wasn’t what hurt the most.

It got worse when I got slushed.

This, like “squirrels in the attic” is not a metaphor. I got out of my car the way I would if I did not have an injured knee because I had a brace on and it was feeling better. With only my bad leg out of the car I attempted to stand up but I was in a mixture of snow and slush. As my foot slid out from under me I could feel the metal supports in the brace dig into my leg as my knee collapsed. Good thing I had the brace on! I hobbled into the store, did my shopping, then back to the car. I was in pain, more pain than before. It hurt but it wasn’t what hurt the most.

I went to the hospital, it was draining.

The pain increased to the point that I couldn’t stand the weight of the blankets on the bed. The brace would hurt beyond anything I had ever felt but if I took it off, my knee would shift bringing on a totally different type of pain. Sleep was limited and even when I did get an hour here or there it was not deep sleep. The hospital drained my knee and that night I slept. The next night I slept. The next night and day was back to the same old pain. I was on crutches to protect the knee even more and protect me from a fall but nothing seemed to take the pain away. It hurt but it wasn’t what hurt the most.

I got iced.

The lack of sleep and pain began to wear me down. My whole body hurt. For years I have been able to manage the symptoms of fibromyalgia but it was back with a vengeance because of the lack of rest. My myasthenia gravis intensified often leaving me weak, unable to talk properly, focus my eyes and swallow pills for short periods of time. I must have decided that this was not enough so I slipped on the ice. My crutches saved me from falling but now my collarbones, shoulders, hands and hips hurt worse than my now healing knee. It doesn’t help that the fibromyalgia intensifies pain so you never know how much is injury pain and how much is neuropathic pain. I was in pain, more pain than before. It hurt but it wasn’t what hurt the most.

This is what hurt the most.

I sat in the coffee shop with a group Christian men. We have been getting together for years. A new man joined the group. He immediately took over the conversation talking about his spiritual experiences. I am a little Pentecostal in my leanings so I was comfortable with some of the more “supernatural” experiences he related to the group. Then he began to explain the relationship between the amount of faith you have and healing and prosperity. I sat there in pain that far exceeded the illnesses and injuries I was experiencing.

Then my alarm went off. The regulars all know when Dave’s alarm goes off it is time for my meds. I just stared at my water afraid to take the pills, after all I was trusting medicine not God, where was my faith? I sat in the coffee shop, sick, injured and because of my limitations almost penniless being told that those who have faith are free from sickness and worries about money. This is what hurts the most.

This is all I have to make the hurt go away.

…we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. Romans 5:1-5 (NIV)

Note: I have not been able to read as many of your blogs as I would like, I hope you can understand why

21 comments

  1. Pingback: Gone Fishing | Live 4 Him

  3. Wow! Thank you Dave for this post. I will spare you all the health issues I have, and the 20 plus pill regimen I am on.. What I know is this I have died and come back to life twice and I have been on a ventilator 6 times and I live in a fallen world and some of the health issues are because I chose to engage in behavior that I knew would cause the negative effects. God can choose to heal me here on Earth or when I see Him face to face but in all things and either way I will praise Him (and being honest the last month 1/2 I have spent almost in bed contemplating ways because it became unbearable. Yet GOD has begun the work and He will complete it not me on my terms). . I also believe that God gives the gift of healing to doctors and pharmaceutical minds so that we have a measure of healing here on Earth.

    I have a very wild background (from Quaker -Penacostal and everything in between growing up including reformed as well as Anglican and slight catholic) and I choose God not some man made doctrine. My mother and her friends say I don’t have enough faith and I ask them “where does it say I have to have “enough faith” and how much iequals enough. My Bible says the faith of a mustard seed but God is the only one who can say yes or no. And when He says yes I am able to walk with a level of healing.

    Someday, I will be healed 100% of everything. I have been taught that Jesus did not heal eveyone who came to Him for healing or every person whom He saw on the streets or in the pools or temples.. Why would that be? Because Jesus could only do what He saw the Father do.

    I have been the receiver of some healing as well as the piece of clay that the Lord has used to bring healing to some. While I don’t keep score I know that He allows it for His glory.

    So, Brother Dave, I will continue praying for you and I also pray that the joy of His announced birth and arrival of Christ that proclaims our Hope this Christmas season will be glorious and life giving. God bless you.

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    1. blessing to you – I never thought I would say this but I have come to the conclusion that it is Satan using the words of God to tempt us to believe we are or can be God setting out our own version of what should happen (Adam and Eve, and Jesus temptation come to mind) A verse here and there and he makes it sound like we are in control – if I am right then Satan is using misguided Christians to temp people to believe they can control God and therefore become God through faith

      I think if these name it and claim it people saw who was really behind their doctrine they would stop

      Blessing this Christmas – I pray you will be healed as the Bible instructs us to do and I pray that you will enjoy the comfort of the Holy Spirit in knowing that whatever happens, healed or not God will never leave you nor forsake you

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  4. Dave, is that new guy going to be regular with the group? I was a part of a small men’s group that had two guys who were big-time into that guy’s thinking. I’ll spare you the details, but I wonder if you will be subjected to this on a regular basis. I tried to talk to one of the guys about some of his bold claims that were false, but all it did was make everyone else uncomfortable. I hope you will have a better resolution than mine, in addition to better experiences and decreased pain going forward, as God walks you down this tough road.

    I figure if God wants me to be healed without medicine, he will tell me or let me know in however many ways he needs to before I get the message. My wife hasn’t taken any medicine for 10 years because God told her not to, and he has carried her through. I take it when I need it because he didn’t give me the same instructions. God doesn’t need medicine or doctors, but often he uses them. God is the one who heals, and you are in the best of hands with him. Obey him and let him heal the many hurts his way, with or without medicine. Praying for you brother.

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    1. I actually stopped joining the group on a regular basis- I knew the guy from a few years back at a men’s prayer group and stopped going because of his claims – I do see some of the guys at other times and have made it clear that I do not want to hear Satan’s lies about how God works and how we can make God do things because we have faith through this man any more – I also challenged those who have lost loved ones who were believers to stand up to him – it is funny that when I stood up to him using the Bible he would get confused even adjust his theology but then slip back to his name it and claim it “sound bites” for lack of a better term

      Have a great Christmas – thanks for sharing you experience

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  5. Brother Dave, you are more like me, or I like you than even either one of us realized. I also suffer from Fibromyalgia, though the last couple of years has not been as severe as the first few. I have learned to a degree to just live with it, but again, it is not as severe as what or how others suffer with it. My knees are totally shot because of an accident back in ’94 that completely shattered one knee-cap and it took almost five years to get real help by which time, ligaments and cartilage which atrophied so much, a knee replacement was not feasible due to range of motion issues.

    I started out with a cane and crutches and eventually went to a walker and now a wheelchair though I am not tied to the chair, I just can’t walk far or stand for long without my knees literally giving out, like someone turning the power off.

    I come from a Pentecostal background after being raised in the Catholic Church until just before my 17th birthday. I have what I call Fundamental Full-Gospel leanings (no denomination) because I do not go to extremes with doctrine UNLESS the Bible says this is the way it is, PERIOD!

    I also have heard all the prosperity, and name-it-and-claim-it FADS that churches get deceived by and cannot find any truth in light of the WHOLE Counsel of God in His Living Word! That doesn’t just include doctrine stated by the writers inspired by the Holy Spirit, but by the EXAMPLES of the disciples as they lived faith-filled lives! Because I deal so much with individuals and small groups, I have had to deal Scripturally with the damage some of these doctrinal fads has caused to the faith of some believers. AND I am one who tries my best to NOT put my God, my Heavenly Father in a Box! But I truly believe in not just His ability to do whatever He deems to be in His will, but in His absolute Sovereignty as well.

    I, like you (it seems), have submitted, surrendered to His Will for my life and I always encourage others I teach to do the same. There are way too many Scriptures like the one you quoted above and others that tell us to endure with patience for our Hope is in God’s PERFECT will for us!

    …I am looking forward to when the Lord says my work is finished (though I am NOT rushing it!). I take one step at a time, do what I can when I can and when I can’t I rest in HIM with confidence in HIM! I have “practiced” too long trusting in God for His perfect will and I can’t do less right now. Of course, time and age has given that to me.

    You do the same Brother. You do what you can, when you can. Your steps are ordered of the Lord. Nothing in YOUR life takes Him or HAS taken Him by surprise and He has used your experiences to make you a better teacher and servant! Time goes by so fast, and sometimes it seems we haven’t served as much as we can look back and say we have wanted too, but God, OUR God has ALWAYS been in control and always will be!

    You have been an awesome inspiration to me for being such a young whipper-snapper! I can only thank the Lord and His Holy Spirit for that inspiration and the willingness you have been to be His vessel! Sorry this is so public, but you keep hanging in there. Your faith is evident in the things you write and share because that is what is within the abundance of your heart and the Heart, which the Father sees, does not lie!

    You pray for me for God’s continued will and Brother you will ALWAYS have my prayers for God’s perfect will in your life!! God Bless and in spite of the pain, may His Joy, Peace and Hope be fully yours in this Season and the coming year!!

    (Sorry I made such a large comment)

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    1. there are days I wish my work was done and days when I wish I could go on for ever preaching the word but this I know some day we will see we what we speak of and words will no longer be needed and pain will no longer exists – until then I would rather have my faith grow because I have to trust God in pain instead of naming it and claiming it so that my faith is really in my own faith rather than God

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  6. I pray that you are given relief for the pain, including the pain of having well-intentioned people suggest that those who suffer deserve to suffer, that we bring all of our problems upon ourselves. We live in a world polluted by sin. The devil, the sinful world, and our sinful flesh are enemies of the kingdom of God, which is why they assault us, the citizens of the kingdom. Evil is unfair; it does not pass out punishments we deserve. But Christ has taken the punishment we deserve; therefore, none of our sicknesses (or other problems) are caused by our sins or by lack of faith. God allows us to suffer, but he also strengthens us. And the pain we experience reminds us of what Christ endured to rescue us. God bless you, Dave. J.

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