Runway or Runaway?

I had hope. I had good reason for having hope. I had very little reason to doubt, well maybe there were a few red flags but I had enough reasons to ignore them. It was there in the distance and I was lined up for my landing. I was sure I heard the tower, a bit faint and there was some static but still I was sure it was time for me to leave my Holding Pattern (click for last week’s post) and land.

I thought that last week’s post would be inspirational for those who were waiting. I thought it would encourage them to hold on a little longer. I thought that this week’s post would be proof that the one who arranges the flightpaths of everyone does eventually give permission to land at your destination. I am still in a holding pattern with no permission to land.

If you are easily discouraged don’t read on.

There are times that you know that something won’t work. It doesn’t matter how much you want it, how much you prove you can handle it, how much you have all the details worked out, God makes it so that you just know it isn’t for you. This wasn’t one of those times. I knew that it was a perfect fit. I knew that I could be an agent of positive Godly change. I knew that in spite of the five hour round trip and the health issues that I face every day, God was calling me to put down my landing gear, line up the runway and start my descent. Then someone cut in on the landing instructions and sent me back to a holding pattern.

The holding pattern most likely isn’t even for that destination.

I did all I could. The sermon went great. The proposal presentation and Q&A couldn’t have gone better. Those who know me, know I would rarely if ever say such positive things about myself. I am far too hard on myself to use this type of language and yet I just did which means something must have gone well.

It doesn’t matter how it went. There was no unity, no consensus so the voice from the tower said, “Abort the landing and return to a holding pattern, new instruction to follow.”There have been no new instructions, no new runway to land on, no new destination to head to, just me, alone, stuck in a holding pattern.

Runway or Runaway?

I am ready to give up. Part of me says wait there could be another runway, another destination. The rest of me says runaway, forget a destination, forget trying to find a place to land, just fly until you run out of fuel and crash-land there. Wherever there is, you will end up better off than flying around in this holding pattern. Once you are on the ground you will never have to worry about permission to land. You will never find yourself flying around in a holding pattern wondering what needs to be done to get permission to land. Once you crash-land you can do what you want. You will no longer have to wait for any instructions you can just do what you feel you need to do.

It may not be running away but it will be a break from this holding pattern.

You will see this post the day after the first of two neck procedures done approximately one month apart twice every year. Because of this I will get a little break, after all I can’t really work at peak performance on painkillers that only address half the pain. I guess I am running away, not by choice but by circumstance. Once that circumstance is over I will have a choice to make. Will I stay a runaway or will I return to the holding pattern waiting for a runway? Finances or lack thereof say runaway. State of mind says runaway. The amount of time stuck in this holding pattern says runaway. My body and its various health issues says runaway. Even some of my friends say runaway. Stability is on the ground not flying around in a holding pattern so even logic says runaway until you crash-land, finally coming to rest on solid ground.

The decision is a tough one but whether I continue to look for a runway or runaway…

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. Psalm 139:7-12 (NIV)


  1. Father in Heaven knows you are in search of a runway. He knows you are running out of fuel. He will not desert you. Remember though that He can use wanderers for His purposes. Abraham left his homeland for a destination unknown. Moses wandered for 40 years in the desert. The Jewish Diaspora spread the Word of God throughout the world. ❤

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  2. I am still praying for you. I remember your good fortune a year ago and the need for more surgery now. I just finished a draft of a post for Sunday about Hope amidst Despair. I know that you are filled with God’s Love and have Hope. I hope the results of this surgery will give you new strength to return to your blog writing. I learn a great deal from you and my Hope increases as a result. Don’t rush back into the fray, however. Find time to heal. We’ll be waiting for a post about victory in the future.

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    1. thank you – If doctor approves it I will get the other side of my neck done next Friday because of a cancellation which is way faster than the normal weight (October) – I can’t wait to see how this plays into Gods plan for the fall

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    1. it always seems that as the body slows the holding pattern becomes even more endless – I know God can use me and you but logic keeps saying other wise – I am trusting in the power of Almight God to prove that earthly logic is limited to the laws of nature but God created these laws so He can break them

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  3. Can it be the negativity in the ‘holding pattern’ that’s keeping us stranded in air..? Can it be our focus is misplaced..? Instead of looking at the deep blue skies, of how high you are you can touch the birds flying, see the land, oceans, lakes below, the majestic landscape, the beauty of being alive to see it with a fresh understanding. I agree the tiredness of constantly circling around and yet not pinpointing a landing destination can be frustrating. But we miss the mark when our focus is on the ‘not’ landing instead of the beauty around us. I believe when we redirect our focus our destination will present itself and our landing will be a smooth one. A hard lesson to instill in my peanut size brain, when we’ve been manipulated, indoctrinated with negativity to clearly focus.

    Thank you for sharing such a profound image, it got me thinking we’re our worst enemy to have outside influences, circumstances dictate our perception. And how much we need the Lord to guide us through. The verse from Psalm 139:7-12 fits perfectly.
    God bless you in every aspect of your life. My prayers are with you in every challenge that presents itself. Maranatha!

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