I Am__________

I Am Very Disturbed

Now that I have your attention let me make it clear, I do not have bodies buried in my basement. I have not started to run naked through crowded shopping malls. I am not responsible for the disappearance of family pets in any neighborhood I have lived in or for that matter any neighborhood that I have walked, driven or cycled through. I have not gone on any long winded, irrational, disjointed rambling rants although I do preach so someone might disagree with this one. That being said I am still very disturbed…

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I Am Barabbas

I do not use the name Barabbas. I have never used the name Barabbas. All of my identifying documents have no reference to this name. Any correspondence whether by old school snail mail, current standard messenger apps or business appropriate email ever suggested that I am Barabbas but I must insist, I am Barabbas. Before you contact anyone on my behalf, before you seek mental health assistance under the assumption that I am experiencing some type of mental health issue, let me remind you that you too are Barabbas.

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I Am Balaam’s Donkey

I know it’s childish but I love reading about donkeys in the Bible. It can’t be just any Bible, it has to be the King James Bible. Unless you considered soap a food group, the only time you could say the word “ass” when I was growing up was when you read it in the Bible. To this day, it doesn’t matter which version I read, every time the word donkey comes up I laugh under my breath because I know that the real Bible translation says ass. When my kids got older I would often tell them to, “Stop acting like a King James donkey” if they were getting on my nerves. I am Balaam’s Donkey – did you just smirk, maybe even laugh? You can’t help thinking, “Dave is admitting that he is a King James Donkey.”

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I Am Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.

That’s a lot of people inside my head but don’t worry because the title is a little misleading. A more accurate title for this post would be, I Wish I Was Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. For those not familiar with my “I Am _____” series, this is usually the part where I add the disclaimer about me knowing that my name is really Dave followed by something that eludes to the fact that while I may be Dave I am still  Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego or whomever the title suggests I might be. This time is different. This time I can only wish I was Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.

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I am Jonah.

This is not my normal way of introducing myself. In fact, I have never introduced myself as Jonah. I don’t think I look like a Jonah. I’m not really sure what he looks like, I just know I don’t look like a Jonah. Still, there is something in me that is just like Jonah. There is something that causes me to question, to wonder, are these really the type of people God wants to offer a second chance?

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I Am Jesus

If there ever was a line that should not be crossed I think it is the one I just crossed. Proclaiming that I am Jesus invites everything from mocking and laughter to concern and planned intervention. Before I am made fun of and publicly ridiculed, before I am hurried off to the closest psych ward and sedated, I must warn you, not only am I Jesus but you are too!

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