A spokesperson for the worldwide church would not confirm or deny that Jesus was being replaced but an individual close to the situation who spoke on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to speak on behalf of the worldwide church said: “The vote came out strongly in favour of retaining the name Jesus but removing both Him and those aligned with Him from positions of influence.”

Restructuring has been in the works for some time.

Many have observed the shift from the work of Jesus through the empowerment of His Spirit toward a more tangible and manageable program based system. Emphasizing talent over supernatural gifting, predictability over leaving it in the hands of God and marketable concepts over hardline right and wrong ideas, this new approach has been introduced in stages over the past forty years and is aimed at inclusivity. It was first thought that Jesus could remain as the head of the church but His unwillingness to soften His stance on morality, humility, selflessness, and His insistence that His way was the only way sealed His fate.

A new doctrine creation panel will be assembled as soon as possible.

Citing the lack of democratic process under the previous administration, the new head of the church will no longer be an individual but instead a committee. The old system of Jesus as the only one allowed to create policy is now considered a misstep that many believe has caused to church to overlook opportunities to expand membership. The new leadership model will insure that all policy has been fully reviewed and amended so that is reflects all parts of society. The new governing panel will take into consideration the impact of all policies to ensure that no one is offended.

The new slogan will pay homage to the former head.

“Love one Another – Jesus” will be the new slogan. Our anonymous source informed us that this slogan was chosen because it will appeal to everyone from the fully committed lifelong Christian to those who believe that there is no God. By removing Jesus as the head but continuing to refer to Him, the church can now attach itself to the Bible and historical Christianity while modernizing its philosophies. Our source informed us that while the words of the slogan are biblical, the meaning will be based in the more contemporary idea that to love is to accept anything and everything. In other words no right or wrong, just love.

This fake news story may sound ridiculous but it may also contain some truth.

There is not a singular governing body that oversees the worldwide church. There are however many governing bodies that oversee factions in the church. Votes are held all the time to decide on policies and doctrines at the denominational level while church leadership and pastors choose what programs and approaches will receive their stamp of approval at the local level. In essence they are determining what is right and what is wrong, what is in and what is out.

In the North American context of church it is easy to fall prey to replacing Jesus with a board of directors. We may not go down the anything goes path but we often invoke portions of the Bible to defend our own plans.

We have been told over and over again what the church should be by the latest “how-to” guide to a better church. We have been influenced by those whose successes appear as if they can be cloned. We have bought into the idea that the church is defined by attendance, number of staff, size of building and annual budget. Who needs Jesus as the head of the church when we already know what the church should look like and how to accomplish it?

When we don’t ask Jesus what He wants, we replace Him.

Where are we getting our ideas from? More importantly where are we getting our approval from to implement these ideas? Accountable leadership is imperative in the church but ultimately their job is to hold each other accountable to the head of the church, no not the pastor, Jesus. We seek consensus in the leadership not because we are looking to find common ground but instead we are looking to find the solid ground only available when Jesus is the one calling the shots.

We may not think we have replaced Jesus as the head of the church but maybe we need to think again.

For in him [Jesus] all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. Colossians 1:16-18 (NIV)

I did not get this week’s post done due to a second, well technically a third, injury to my knee (see There Are No Words) after slipping in the wonderful slushy snow of our beautiful Canadian winter. I finished one paragraph over the few hours I tried to write yesterday because the pain was quite literally, blinding. All is well today after a trip to the hospital to have a large amount of liquid drained and a feel good shot of cortisone. Looks like four or five weeks of recovery from the injury but more upsetting, 2 knee replacements are in my future. Jesus could be back by then – please come back before then! I reposted this blog because it has a humorous dimension (I need a good laugh) and a hard hitting message (maybe I need a little cry too).