I’m Sorry

I don’t know how you feel about the relationship between bloggers and the bloggers who follow their blog but to me it is a friendship that is formed around the love of God and the love of writing. I look at those who follow my blog not only as friends but as brothers and sisters in Christ. I see the relationship we have formed as a loosely followed handshake agreement to meet up on the pages of each other’s site to read the newly posted material. Am I glad there is not written contract as I would be in breach and in danger of some form of penalty. I’m sorry I have not lived up to my side of the agreement!

Not enough time – the new norm.

Since I started my new job in late October I have found myself more and more busy. I miss blogging. I miss reading other peoples’ blogs. I feel like I have moved far away from my closest friends. I feel like I am living a metaphor. I have been isolated from my fellow bloggers and unable to do things I like doing much like the lockdowns and the restrictions that have accompanied this pandemic. As much as I would like to interact with my fellow bloggers, I have no regrets taking on my new job. I love being used by God to bring healing and a sense of purpose to a church seeking Him as they plan out the future.

COVID – the new norm.

When I started the transitional process the church had just reopened from lockdown. Their pastor had left earlier in the year. They had no online church service, nowhere to turn for spiritual growth and no direction. I guess they could have joined another online church but that’s not the same. The loss was big and the uncertainty overwhelming. We only managed to meet in-person for three months before lockdown hit again. This time it was different. We had online sermons from our church, an online small group study and, with a lot of work, we were able to start posting worship as well.

Lockdown ended at the end of February but our in-person meetings were short lived. Our third wave has hit and we have returned to lockdown. This time it is different. This time it’s better. In the past, lockdowns limited religious gatherings to 10 people no matter the size of the indoor space, hardly worth opening the church up. This time we are allowed 15% capacity. This time we are open.

Tired – the new norm.

It is great to be open but to actually serve the church we must go from one service to two every Sunday. Normally we would be excited if we had to have two services but in the case of COVID, two services is not because of attendance growth but instead because of case count and ICU occupancy growth. What I gain because we have closed the church during the week so I avoid the one plus hour drive each way I lose on Sundays because now I preach and lead worship twice. I am not complaining, just stating my case for breaking my loosely followed handshake agreement to meet up on the pages of each other’s site to read the newly posted material.

I am sorry but not sorry – the new norm.

It was only a year ago that I was begging God to take me home. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to live, to serve, to pastor, it was my body that didn’t want to cooperate. I was reminded of this last Saturday when I sat outside the MRI room waiting my turn. I fought back tears as my mind jumped back to the last time I was in that same chair thinking that the pain couldn’t get much worse. Boy was I wrong! Over a year later, just entering the same hospital that performed the MRI’s and did their best to help me on three separate ER visits when the pain became too much, caused an emotional response that can range from tears to flashbacks. Life is better but the reminders of how bad it can get are never far away. Because of this I am sorry but not sorry. I am sorry that I don’t have the time to write more blog posts and that I don’t visit more of my fellow blogger’s sites, I have kind of broke the unwritten contract. I am not sorry that I am so busy doing what last year I thought I would never do again and that it has led to me being unable to write more blog posts and visit more of my fellow blogger’s sites!

What a difference a year can make creating a new normal.

I have not given up on finding more time to read and write. As a matter of fact it is my goal to adjust my schedule starting next week to allow for more posts and more visits. If that doesn’t happen as often as I want it to happen I have to admit that having the opportunity to go from hopelessness to transitioning a church, seeing my book Blueprint in print, leading worshiping and preaching every week will have to do! I will be sorry about what may be lost but I will not be sorry that once again God is using me!

When times are good, be happy;
    but when times are bad, consider this:
God has made the one
    as well as the other.
Therefore, no one can discover
    anything about their future.

Ecclesiastes 7:14 (NIV)

12 comments

  1. I understand completely! Even in retirement and an empty nest, I wonder at midnight where the day has gone. Having nothing “scheduled” today, I am sitting here with my laptop, deciding if I will devote my afternoon to reading and commenting on blogs (what seems to be winning at the moment), or writing my own posts. (There are reasonable arguments for either.) I could try to do both, but that’s what has so often led me to serving dinner after 8:00 and getting to bed after midnight. (*eye roll*)
    On the other hand, someday we will all be in heaven and have forever to share our “God stories” and share what He has taught us throughout our lives. No time pressure, no guilt! 😀 Let’s try to practice that now – give ourselves some grace. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My heart goes out to you. Like you, I believe that genuine friendships may be formed w/ members of the blogging community. When someone drops away (particularly w/o an explanation) we feel that loss. We can only trust the welfare of lost friends to God. He knows where they are, though we may not. And His love never fails.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. When a fellow blogger simply drops off the map, I think a variety of things, but prayer is one response. I went to your website, and noticed nothing new. Then I saw a few likes from you, so that told me you are still among us. That changed the prayers a bit. But, like you, I have enjoyed this bizarre Christian family of bloggers. As we share from the heart with one another, if makes no difference what color our skin is and little difference about denomination or creed. We simply love God and each other. I hope your new normal allows an occasional visit.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Even when you are not reading or writing here, you are still in our thoughts. Last night I was a reading a back and forth between two writers in a Facebook group. The “attacker” wrote some very unpleasant things to a guy who was trying to get his first book published and then backed up his criticisms with something like “I’ve published 13 books.” I had to find out more about this guy, so I did look him up. He did have 13 books. They all fell into 5 different categories and each category began with “Miracle” as in “Miracle Healing” and “Miracle Finances.” I immediately thought of how he was the exact opposite of you. And I was so appreciative for knowing you. Whether you ever read or write anything here ever again, I know you and that you are a man of principles and of kindness. That is more than enough for me.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Adapting to differing circumstances in no way is always a bad thing. You continue to grow and use your gifts relying on medical help to keep you well . Always sorry the pain that you have had to endure but so glad that you are able to carry on with your good work. Preaching or blogging wherever the Lord needs you to be.

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  6. We forgive you! 🙂 Sometimes, we need a respite from our commitment to blogging, sometimes other demands take over and blogging has to take a backseat. No matter the reason, return from absence makes catching up all the sweeter.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. My reading and connecting has been a very slow process this school year and I get discouraged and frustrated too. I’ve been selfishly writing and photographing and creating with my free time instead when there’s not enough time for both. My WP relationships, old and everyday new connections, are genuine and are part of my soul comfort. It’s time consuming though, to be sure! But also worth it (over wasting time with shallow connections in other social media places). I’d give comfort in saying we’ll always be here, but some have recently passed away; the fact such losses are deeply felt though are a testament to the soulful connecting many of us do here. I am very happy for you, my friend, for your blessings and opportunities to serve the Lord and others and using your giftings. You are never gone nor forgotten. We understand. Many of us are in the same boat, sending apologies too. There are only so many hours in a day. You are filling them differently but nobly and well. Over the seasons, it all comes together and balances out. ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

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