Midlife Crisis and the Bible.

There comes a time in every man’s life that he realizes he is no longer what he once was. His hair grows faster and thicker than it once did, unfortunately it has migrated south finding its way from the top of his head to the ears and nose, chest and back and anywhere else that hair once avoided growing in large quantities. His once bulging biceps now swing in the wind as he raises his arms. What were once called triceps continue to wave long after he stops waving. What he once considered physical features of the fairer sex have now become the unfair features of the middle aged man. He has developed breasts and appears to be 6 months pregnant and has acid reflux and a constant need to urinate to match. There is only one way to address this, only one cure for this crisis, get a new mode of transportation.

The average midlife crisis is between 45 and 55 years old.

It is called a “midlife crisis” which suggests it happens in the middle of one’s life. It is actually a midadult crisis because it happens in the middle of being an adult.

Let’s do the math:

The average male lives approximately 76 years.

76 divided in half is 38. This means a true midlife/middlelife crisis would be somewhere between 36 and 40 years old but that is not the average age for a so called “midlife crisis.”

Continuing using math, I know you love math:

76 years (the average male lifespan) minus 18 years (when you are considered an adult) equals 58 which would be midadult.

Adjusting for the fact that males are about 8 years less mature than females:

58 minus 8 equals 50 which is the halfway between 45 and 55 thus proving my point that midlife crisis should be renamed midadult crisis and it takes place between 45 and 55 years old.

What if you lived 950 years?

Let’s do some more math:

950 divided by 76 equals 12.5, this person lived 12.5 times longer than the average American male.

12.5 times 45 equals 562.5 meaning a male who lives around 950 years would have their midadult crisis at around this age.

The author of this blog does not claim to be a statistical or mathematical expert nor does he claim to have the intellect or power to create a new life stage or rename an old one.

Did you ever wonder why God chose to flood the earth when he did?

I know the Bible explains that the people of the earth had become corrupt. I am not questioning the reason that led to God’s choice but rather why not 100 years earlier or later. The Bible says Noah was a righteous man. I am sure this wasn’t just a thing when God called him to build the ark so why did God choose this point in his life to use him?

Here’s my theory.

As I recover from my turn with COVID, I am reminded I don’t bounce back like I once did. My desire to recapture my youth, to be young again, has made me think of getting a new form of transportation to help me through my midadult crisis. I am 55. Every time I have tried to bounce back from sickness or overexertion since I was about 45 I have been reminded of my aging and I dream of new transportation to recapture my youth. If I use my math skills and apply them to Noah and my observations on midlife/midadult crisis, the following theory is plausible: Noah was open to building the ark because he was in midadult crisis.

Noah was six hundred years old when the floodwaters came on the earth. Genesis 7:6 (NIV)

Noah would have been between 500 and 560 years old when he started building the ark, setting out on his new boat when he was 600 years old. Now I don’t want to claim to have any special insight into the Bible or add anything to it that God never intended to include but I have to guess a guy that gets a new boat between 45 and 55 years of age or in Bible times between 500 and 600 years of age may be going through some kind of midlife/midadult crisis. Maybe that’s why God told Noah to build the ark when he did, no man at that age would turn down a chance to get a new boat.


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