humor

Christian Bumper Stickers Linked to Higher Automobile Accident Rate

The link may be weak and the research suspect. The information gathered may be anecdotal and the double-blind study more like a both eyes require reading glasses for the small print. Still I believe that I can connect bumper stickers bearing common Christian sayings with a sharp increase in collisions involving the vehicle with said sticker and/or the vehicle driven by an individual who read said sticker.

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Midlife Crisis and the Bible.

There comes a time in every man’s life that he realizes he is no longer what he once was. His hair grows faster and thicker than it once did, unfortunately it has migrated south finding its way from the top of his head to the ears and nose, chest and back and anywhere else that hair once avoided growing in large quantities. His once bulging biceps now swing in the wind as he raises his arms. What were once called triceps continue to wave long after he stops waving. What he once considered physical features of the fairer sex have now become the unfair features of the middle aged man. He has developed breasts and appears to be 6 months pregnant and has acid reflux and a constant need to urinate to match. There is only one way to address this, only one cure for this crisis, get a new mode of transportation.

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Flyfeelitis (flī– fēl -īdəs)

Flyfeelitis (flī– fēl -īdəs): the overwhelming urge to touch one’s zipper to ensure that it is in the up position. The origin of this disease can be traced back to the inclusion of the first zipper in men’s pants however, not all men who wear pants suffer from this disease. Researchers hypothesize that those who suffer from this disease acquired it during a traumatic incident involving the individual being discovered in a public setting with their fly undone. This disease is habitual and although annoying and difficult to cure, it can contribute to avoiding further incidents in which the sufferer is caught with his zipper down.

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Job Openings

We are looking for bright individuals with proven track records in marketing. Successful candidates will have a strong grasp of product presentation to a wide variety of cultural backgrounds. Our North American branch has a long history of serving the community dating back to the first European settlers. Our parent organization has an even longer history which began around 2000 years ago in the area now known as the Middle East, starting in the country we call Israel. Our founder set out to present a new product/service, unlike any other product/service before. His product/service was met with mixed reviews but he did not waver from his plan even under the threat of death.

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Crazy Things You Think About Due To Anesthetic.

Today I will be undergoing the second of two procedures on my neck. These surgeries have become so routine that I can’t remember if I have had 10, 14 or maybe more of them. With two every six months it feels more like a date night (during the day) that involved too much alcohol (I am guessing as my new life in Christ means I haven’t got drunk in a very, very long time). I drive with my wife to the location. We enter the building and sit down to wait for my name to be called, kind of like you do when you have dinner reservations. After about two hours I stagger out with some help from the staff. I lean on my wife and she helps me into the car. She drives me home as I slip in and out of consciousness stopping only for red lights and coffee. With her help, I stagger into the house and lie down. Doesn’t that sound like a date that involved too much to drink?

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