I had dreams of being more, of building up to heights never seen before. I had a plan that I could complete, that would make me complete. I would put everything I had into it, and in time, it would make me everything I wanted to be, everything God created me to be, but it all came crumbling down.

I didn’t see anything wrong with it.

If I have the abilities, why not use them? Why would anyone sit back on God-given talents and not use them. That’s what I told myself, if I wasn’t meant to do it, why would I be able to do it? If I stretch my giftings out far enough, I could even connect to God, I could build something that made me more and therefore made more of my relationship with Him.

Then it all came crashing down.

Everything I worked for was gone. There were pieces scattered around but for the most part there was nothing left of what I had built. Why? I did it to be more, to reach toward the heavens, to stand out among others. I did it because, why not do it? If God made it possible, shouldn’t I make it come true?

This what I told myself.

My greatest achievement, at least my plan for my greatest achievement, was out of selfless servitude employing my vast array of gifts to please the One who gave them to me. Now however, I can no longer communicate with many who once aided me in my endeavours or with those who I believed were the ones I undertook to effect with the things I wanted to do. They have moved on. It was big, so big and in the end doesn’t God want me to go big? I tell myself that now but then, I just wanted to go big, to be seen and so did they. I’m not sure I really thought of anyone else. I told myself this was for God, but was it? Did I really think of God or was I just building because I could? Was God more of an afterthought as I built my kingdom?

Here I lay in pieces.

I can make it sound like I had the noblest of intentions but let’s just get it out of the way; I wanted to go bigger, to go higher. I wanted it and if God came along all the better. Either way I had a plan. I talked it over with a few people. They could see the destination and understand my reasoning. It looked good so why not try? I could have used what was already there, but what if I could do it better? I could use my intellect and my creativity to fashion a plan and the required elements, that way I really didn’t need God. What appeared stronger, more effective than anything God had already provided now lies in ruins. What I thought would speak to many is a foreign language that says nothing to anyone.

I never made it higher or bigger.

I set out to build, to have more than I already had. I brought others in on the construction, and they too set out to make something that was higher, bigger, better. It’s not that we were going against God. We hadn’t left Him. We never forgot Him. We just thought we had a way to get more. Those who are left, those who still speak the same language when we talk about the good old days look at the pieces of what was to be bigger, higher, better and dream of what could have been. Surrounded by the, the grand plan reduced to bits and pieces, we try to come up with a new plan but that’s where we seem to be speaking a different language. It looks like we will never be able to build bigger, higher, better. We will never be able to reach out and touch the heavens but instead we will in the end be scattered.

I am the tower of Babel.

I take what God has given me and build something that suits me. I reach for the heavens to be higher, bigger, better but I don’t need to, and I am not called to. I just do it because I want to. Worse still, because I see God’s resources employed and the fact that the goal is the heavens, I make a plan that suits me. God knocks down the self-made structure by confusing my plans, but I never learn. I set out to build a new tower. It always starts good. I always use God’s provision and use what He has given me to shoot for the heavens. So here I sit in amongst the pieces of the last tower I tried to build and plan my next build. I will use different material and different people, ones that have the same vision and speak the same language. Maybe this time I will reach the heavens. Maybe this time I will go higher, bigger, better or maybe again we will be scattered and everything will be left to rot and be destroyed Genesis11-9 NIV.

Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain. Psalm 127:1 (NIV)