This isn’t anything new, I don’t sleep well most nights. A good night’s sleep for me is 4-5 hours and if I am lucky, no washroom interruptions somewhere in the middle. I don’t sleep during the day even after the few nights a week where sleep is limited to 2-3 hours and not all in a row. So why bring it up? Why call this blog post, “I Couldn’t Sleep Last Night”? Last night was different. A change in my pain medication meant I was free of the worst part of the pain I usually experience. As a matter of fact, one of the things that kept me awake was me wondering why I didn’t feel quite myself. What was different? In my world, a change in pain can be as unnerving as the worst pain I experience. So, I’m awake; now what?

I cuddled up to my wife.

Why do I mention this? The main reason is to make you jealous. I cuddle with my wife. Not just one night here and there but every night and sometimes all night. Some of you are thinking my spouse is hot. I certainly think my wife is hot, very hot. After being together 38 years and I still think she is one hot chick. I know you didn’t mean that type of hot. All you are thinking is why would I want to be cuddled up to that much body heat? Perfectly matched body temperatures aside, after years of not being able to hold my wife’s hand let alone cuddle up, I have been enjoying this closeness. While the immunotherapy has not made me better when it comes to weakness and coordination, it has settled down the overreaction of my nervous system that took the gentlest of touch and sent a pain message to my brain that literally caused a fight or flight response. I can’t sleep but I am cuddling and that was worth being awake for but other than bragging about my cuddle adventures why would I tell you this?

There were less blog worthy options.

I could have gotten up and went to the family room to watch TV. I have done this many a night especially when my screaming nervous system cannot be comforted by the maximum dosage of the cocktail of pain adjusting drugs I am prescribed. This night was different. The pain was not that bad. I didn’t need to leave the room so that my wife would not be kept awake by my moans and sobs mixed with constant tossing and turning. So, there I lay spooning my wife wondering what to do.

This night was different.

It’s not as though I hadn’t done it before. It’s not as though I don’t do it often. Because this is a semiregular action one might think it to be less than blog worthy but for me and possibly only me, it was a very special moment. I do not know what you are thinking as I describe physical closeness in bed with my wife and me not being able to sleep. I can assure you that reading on would not make my kids uncomfortable and my wife has also reviewed what I have written so I believe that you will be okay to continue.

I, spooning my wife, began to pray.

I looked at her shoulder, the one permanently injured at work. The one that has limited her and causes regular pain from the point of injury through her neck and often causes body wide pain. I prayed for healing. I looked at her hair, ran my fingers through it, and thanked God for His wonderful gift, my wife. I snuggled my nose up to her neck and prayed that our 38-year romance would continue to grow and our passion for each other will always be evident. I prayed that I would be the husband she deserved, that I would meet her needs and make her feel safe. I prayed that God would pour out His Spirit in a fresh way in her life.

The marriage bed is meant for intimacy.

“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.” 1Corinthians 7:3 (NIV) This is the first thing that most would think of when I say the marriage bed is meant for intimacy. This should not become an infrequent act but rather, “Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”1Corinthians 7:5 (NIV). In the wee hours of the morning as I cuddled with my wife, I experienced intimacy; a level of closeness that far exceeds what I can ever have with her and yet her presence is the reason I feel the way I do.

As I enjoy the gift, I talk to the giver. As I look at her beauty, I thank her Creator. As I remember her frailties I plead with the Great Physician.  As I think about her faith I ask for her to have more, more of the Spirit of the giver, the creator and the healer.

He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord. Proverbs 18:22 (NIV)