God

I am King Saul

No, it’s not my stage name. There have been many “kings” that have gone before me. The King of Rock, The King of Pop, and I am sure there is someone that either in their name or in their hype is the King of Rap or maybe that would be spelled Kg Rhyme. I know there are still kings of many countries including our Canadian figurehead in our constitutional monarchy. The desire for royalty even popped up in the USA starting with their first leader after getting rid of the British monarchy, George Washington.  Americans had what was the closest thing to a royal family in the Kennedys and some might argue that the current president with all his executive orders is in a way being like a king. But I digress. I am King Saul even though my name is David!

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The Delight of Disease

Before I go any further, I want to make a few things clear. First, I am not a silver lining type of guy. I do not try to find the good in the bad or try to look for the light in the darkness. While it is a good practice to be thankful and to remind oneself that God is at work, I don’t think that every situation has some type of good in it at least good that we can see this side of heaven. Second, I have always had a great marriage. People have commented on how in love we are and how we interact with each other. Third, I hate two “T” words, trigger and trauma. These words have been stolen from those who have had real trauma and suffer because of real triggers, your coffee being served to you cold is most likely not a trigger of past trauma. Why are these important points for me or at least why were these points important for me to make before you read on…?

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When It Hurts Too Much For God

Sometimes it seems that my hurt is too much for God. I know that no theology supports this conclusion. I know that the messages I have heard in no way mirror this idea. I know that the Christians in my life would never propose this as even close to a biblical truth. Still, it seems possible, maybe even true, because sometimes it feels like my pain is too much for God.

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I Couldn’t Sleep Last Night

This isn’t anything new, I don’t sleep well most nights. A good night’s sleep for me is 4-5 hours and if I am lucky, no washroom interruptions somewhere in the middle. I don’t sleep during the day even after the few nights a week where sleep is limited to 2-3 hours and not all in a row. So why bring it up? Why call this blog post, “I Couldn’t Sleep Last Night”? Last night was different. A change in my pain medication meant I was free of the worst part of the pain I usually experience. As a matter of fact, one of the things that kept me awake was me wondering why I didn’t feel quite myself. What was different? In my world, a change in pain can be as unnerving as the worst pain I experience. So, I’m awake; now what?

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Guilt, A Useless Emotion?

I am not sure where I heard it said that guilt is a useless emotion. It could have been the always brilliant and insightful daytime talk show hosts. Maybe it was a talk radio interview. It also could have been a TV drama or a blockbuster movie. All I know is it seemed to make sense at the time. I am follower of Christ. I’m sure it wasn’t a Christian source but still I am forgiven and my sins are as far as the east is from the west ( Psalm 103:12NIV)so guilt must be a useless emotion, right?

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Is Fear Really That Bad?

Before you answer any question, it is probably best to ask a few of your own. A little free advice from one who often just blurts out what he thinks, sometimes before the entire question is asked, don’t! You probably know people like me. You probably find them annoying and maybe even don’t like them. Along with my “little free advice,” I will give you three insights into me. This will also be free! I find people who blurt out answers with little thought and sometimes before the question is finished, annoying too. The second free insight is, I don’t like them much either. Speaking of free, I might need some free counseling to address the fact I don’t like myself and find myself annoying.

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