Today I will be undergoing the second of two procedures on my neck. These surgeries have become so routine that I can’t remember if I have had 10, 14 or maybe more of them. With two every six months it feels more like a date night (during the day) that involved too much alcohol (I am guessing as my new life in Christ means I haven’t got drunk in a very, very long time). I drive with my wife to the location. We enter the building and sit down to wait for my name to be called, kind of like you do when you have dinner reservations. After about two hours I stagger out with some help from the staff. I lean on my wife and she helps me into the car. She drives me home as I slip in and out of consciousness stopping only for red lights and coffee. With her help, I stagger into the house and lie down. Doesn’t that sound like a date that involved too much to drink?

Anesthetic causes me to think of the strangest things:

Because of COVID the doctor, the nurses, the staff and the patients are all wearing masks; doesn’t that open the possibility up for error? If we can’t tell who’s who then the patient could end up operating on the doctor. Just an anesthetic induced thought!

Due to the two small holes in the back of my neck caused by the long “needles” that deliver the radio frequency to burn the nerves, it is possible that those who don’t know what happened could come to the conclusion that a dyslexic vampire bit the wrong side of my neck. Just an anesthetic induced thought!

When someone passes gas inevitably people will giggle no matter how hard they try not to. Is this where laughing gas comes from? Just an anesthetic induced thought!

If while performing surgery the doctor is required to speak, does that fulfill the requirements laid out for joining the actors union? Just an anesthetic induced thought!

What constitutes a nap vs a full sleep? I need to know this because I say my bedtime prayers before I go to sleep for the night but I do not say them before I take a midday nap. If I am being put under for surgery do I need to say my bedtime prayers? Is it time of day or length of sleep that dictates if I need to pray beforehand? Just an anesthetic induced thought!

Is it okay to ask for license and proof of insurance before the doctor operates to make sure they are both licensed and insured to practice medicine? Just an anesthetic induced thought!

Speaking of practice, why are the people we rely on most for our health still practicing? Isn’t there any doctors out there that feel they have completed the practice phase and are ready for the big game? Just an anesthetic induced thought!

Why are scrubs lighter colours? What if they were black or blood coloured, wouldn’t that be less scary and save money as you wouldn’t need to change them as often? Dark colours hide the stains… oh wait, I think I just answered my own question. Just an anesthetic induced thought!

Why is the medical team so nice to me as I lay down on the bed? Do they know something I don’t know? Do they want me to feel safe? Is there a reason they are trying so hard to make me feel safe? What are they covering up? Excuse me but… why do I feel… now I lay me down to sleeeeee… Just an anesthetic induced thought!

Laughter is the best medicine – I hope you had a good laugh while I got my medicine!

For those whose blogs I didn’t get to visit this week I am sorry – I hope to get back to normal next week. This is not an anesthetic induced thought!