I am stuck in a holding pattern. Even though I have been here before it doesn’t get any easier. The same worries overwhelm me as I face the fact that I am not far from running out of fuel! There have been a few midair refuelling opportunities but it has been a long time since I have landed anywhere. Things remain up in the air; no contact with the tower and no permission to land. I remain in a holding pattern, playing the waiting game, a game I always seem to lose even though I play it so well.
I have cycled through all the frequencies.
I have tried to reach the tower but each new attempt leaves me circling without new instructions. I thought I heard a voice a few times. I thought I understood what I was being told to do. Sadly, when I arrived at the new destination there were no further instructions, no permission to land.
Again, I am left wondering when I will land, where I will land, will I just crash, out of fuel, out of options and out of range of the tower’s guidance? I am still circling, still hoping. I haven’t given up, well at least I haven’t remained in a state of hopelessness. Each new day I think maybe this will be the day I hear from the tower, this will be the day I finally land somewhere and, for a while there is hope but only for a while.
I have gone through the checklists to see what I missed.
Maybe I have the call sign wrong. A few wrong words may mean the tower cannot understand my request or cannot grant it. I have tried everything from demanding to inquiring, asking nicely to firm assertions. I’ve named what I want, claimed what I want and even threatened to take what I want but I am left in a holding pattern.
Maybe I have the protocol wrong. There could be steps that I must take first. Maybe if I start the approach there will be a response from the tower. Maybe it will convince the tower that I am committed and ready to land leading the tower to further instruct me on the conditions and the runway number. I have made many unsanctioned approaches but nothing, no response so I pull up and return to a holding pattern.
Maybe I have not addressed some issues. It could be that there are things wrong, things that could, if left unaddressed, lead to a crash. Maybe I have some improperly stowed baggage. Maybe I have an evil hijacker on board trying to take control. Maybe there is damage I am not aware needs to be addressed before the tower will let me land and that’s why I am left in a holding pattern.
I am in a holding pattern feeling unheard and alone.
We all have been there; at least I figure I am not the only one. I try to contact the tower, I want the safety of being on the ground, landing in the place I am called to be but no answer.
I figure that I may be on the wrong wavelength, maybe I am not praying enough or at the wrong time. It could be that I am too far from God and need to get closer. Somehow I have to find His frequency and get on it.
Maybe I am praying all wrong. There must be some magic words or order of words or maybe an action that matches the words that will open communications with the tower and I would be cleared for landing.
Maybe if I just tell God He has to answer, demand that He let me land and instruct Him on where and when or better still just step out on faith and do what I think should be done, then the tower would say cleared for landing.
Maybe if I could just get rid of that negative memory or address that sin that trips me up every once in a while. Maybe if I told Satan he had no power over me, then the tower would respond cleared for landing.
I am in a holding pattern with no response from the tower, no permission to land. It turns out that it’s okay because the one who makes all the flight plans, the one who has put me in this holding pattern, the one who has not given me permission to land said through his prophet: Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them [or anything], for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV)