Transformation

Stuck in a Holding Pattern

I am stuck in a holding pattern. Even though I have been here before it doesn’t get any easier. The same worries overwhelm me as I face the fact that I am not far from running out of fuel! There have been a few midair refuelling opportunities but it has been a long time since I have landed anywhere. Things remain up in the air; no contact with the tower and no permission to land. I remain in a holding pattern, playing the waiting game, a game I always seem to lose even though I play it so well.

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The Innocence of Youth

I am disgusted when I hear these words coming out of my mouth. I promised myself I would never think them, never believe them and most importantly never say them. Now I find myself not only thinking, believing and saying them but also living my life based on them. In my youth someone would start a sentence with these words and I would shut down. It didn’t matter if what followed was true, profound, brilliant and life changing, I never listened long enough to find out. Now I find myself saying these same words. What follows them may be identical to those who spoke them before, I really don’t know as I didn’t listen, but what I do know is…

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My Bride Is Cheating On Me

Her ties to her single life are strong and her view of commitment differs greatly from mine. I don’t know if she thinks she can get away with it, if she believes I don’t notice or if she actually doesn’t know that what she is doing is wrong. She must realize that I see her, that I know what she is doing and yet she continues. Maybe it’s that she knows my love is unconditional, that I can’t help loving her, after all my love for her defines who I am. Could she be taking advantage of such an undying love? She says she loves me, she says she wants nothing more than to be my bride and yet my bride is still cheating on me.

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Biblical Math

Let me make this very clear, I am not into numerology. I do not think there is a Bible code to be deciphered that when fully understood and applied releases hidden power or reveals dates and times of future events hidden in the scriptures. I do however, believe there is a mathematical equation that, when understood, reveals formulas for the creation of church the way God intended church to be.

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Empty People – Empty Churches

I see no need to attend church. I know it sounds crazy coming from a pastor but the truth is I have trouble giving a good reason to show up every Sunday let alone throughout the week. I am referring to the congregation of course, if I don’t show up I won’t have a job.

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I Am A Quitter

The words shocked me. They were untrue descriptors of me but still I was left wounded. I had uttered the words, “I feel like quitting,” in a private conversation during which I expressed my deepest sadness. What should have remained private was now being revisited in a public forum, entered as evidence in what was no more than a kangaroo court along with other out of context quotes. This truly wasn’t going to end well for me. “You are a quitter. You told me you felt like quitting so you are a quitter.” The mock trial ended and I left for my car. I took my painkillers as I had so many times before so I could endure the hour and forty five minute drive home and began my journey.

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