writing

What If?

It’s a strange time in my life. I wrongly assumed that the things I have done and continue to do would have reached more people. Somehow, I came to the conclusion that the things I love to do like writing blogs, plays and music, my book, leading worship and preaching sermons would lead to a wider audience. I’m not saying I expected to be famous or even well known. I’m not going to lie; I dared to dream once in a while that I could be more than I am, be someone who’s name came up when people talked about this thing or that thing  but now my dreams can be best described as backwards. Instead of a vision of what I want my future to be, my dreams revolve more around the past and the question, “What if?”

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I’ve been having an Affair

It is no longer a secret. I have shared this information with people who are close to me and now I share it with everyone. When my wife and I sat down to talk I didn’t know what to expect. She just looked at me with very little emotion. Every so often she nodded showing she agreed with what I was saying or that she was already aware of what I thought was a secret. It’s not that I had the affair in secret, no, it was quite the contrary. Everyone who has seen me in the last 30 years or so, has not only seen me with me affair partner but has for the most part thought we were happy together. They also saw me with my wife and we were happy too, so they said nothing.

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My Eden, My Forest.

I have a forest; it’s my garden of Eden. Each tree is an idea, a principal, or an opinion that I cling to for protection. The trunks are unbreakable. The branches can bend in a breeze and double over in a storm but always stay attached to the trunk, while the foliage is lush and strong, standing up to any rain, wind, hail, snow or survive any drought. My forest, my mind is everything it needs to be as far as I can see but then again maybe I can’t see the forest for the trees.

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I Am Out of Words

At least that’s what I have felt for the last year. What used to pop into my head and rattle around until it was ready to be assembled into a blog post has been nowhere to be found. Once in a while there would be something, but that something was really nothing but a longing to have something come out of what popped into my head, but nothing popped into my head that was anything close to becoming something. I am not sure you can write a blog on not being able to write a blog because you have nothing without creating a blog that is a lot of nothing trying to masquerade as something. I still believe I have something to say…

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They Told Me I Need To Write A Blog

So I did! It seemed like a good idea at the time, a way to achieve my goal of being noticed. Trust me when I say I am not normally looking to be noticed but this was different. I had a book to sell. I had an agent to find. I had a publisher to impress. Somewhere out there was success and all I had to do was take the appropriate steps and my “baby” would be in the hands of Christians, in the libraries of pastors and on the required reading lists of church boards everywhere.

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