This is not my normal way of introducing myself and, as I said in my previous posts in the “I am _____” series, I have never introduced myself by saying, “I am Thomas” or “I am Mary” so it is safe to assume I will not start introducing myself by saying, “I am Samuel.” To clear up any misunderstandings that may come from this post; my name is Dave however I must, if I intend to introduce myself fully, use the words, “I am Samuel.”
Sometimes I hear voices.
Like most of you it can be the earworm song that runs around in your head. The music, the voice of the singers and the beat will not go away. I find myself playing air drums, air guitar and even repeating the words out loud as the voices in my head sing along or is it that I am singing along with the voices in my head? Either way you and I both have heard voices in our heads before.
Sometimes I hear different voices.
Are you like me? Sometimes I hear the bloodcurdling scream or the last words of my favorite film character. For you maybe it’s the real life last words of someone you lost or the reassuring words of someone you love. They play over and over again in your mind as if you were hearing them for the first time. Some hear the voices of those who belittled them as children. Others hear the voices of those who encouraged them throughout their life. All these voices, real or fictional, are a part of our memories. They bring out feelings and even dictate how we view ourselves.
Sometimes I hear a specific voice.
The voice does not always communicate the same way. Sometimes it is a thunderous sound; other times it is a small whisper. There are times it is more of a soothing feeling; other times it is an overwhelming wave of emotion. It does not always say the same types of things. It often says the unexpected, the not previously considered.
When I hear this voice I often question who and what I am hearing. I often mistake what is spoken for words and ideas I have heard from someone else or made up myself. I question, “Did I really hear that?” I wonder, “Was it all made up in my head?”
Then the Lord called Samuel. Samuel answered, “Here I am.” And he ran to Eli and said, “Here I am; you called me.”
But Eli said, “I did not call; go back and lie down.” So he went and lay down.
Again the Lord called, “Samuel!” And Samuel got up and went to Eli and said, “Here I am; you called me.”
“My son,” Eli said, “I did not call; go back and lie down.” 1 Samuel 3:4-6 (NIV)
Maybe I should call my mind Eli.
I hear a voice or maybe I should say I experience some form of communication in my head and like Samuel I too have my go-to guy when I hear God speak. My “Eli” is my mind. I assume that I am making things up or rehashing what I have heard others say. I figure that the answers to my prayers are not answers at all but rather my mind speaking to me especially when the answer is favourable.
As Samuel ran to Eli because He assumed that the only person that would call him would be Eli, I run to my default assumption, the only person who could possibly be answering my prayers is me. I hear the voice, I experience the communication but I often assume it is my mind not God’s voice that I am hearing. I am Samuel and my mind is Eli!
I want my Eli to be like Samuel’s Eli and I want myself to be like Samuel when God speaks.
A third time the Lord called, “Samuel!” And Samuel got up and went to Eli and said, “Here I am; you called me.”
Then Eli realized that the Lord was calling the boy. So Eli told Samuel, “Go and lie down, and if he calls you, say, ‘Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening.’” So Samuel went and lay down in his place.
The Lord came and stood there, calling as at the other times, “Samuel! Samuel!”
Then Samuel said, “Speak, for your servant is listening.” 1 Samuel 3:8-10 (NIV)