Life

What If?

It’s a strange time in my life. I wrongly assumed that the things I have done and continue to do would have reached more people. Somehow, I came to the conclusion that the things I love to do like writing blogs, plays and music, my book, leading worship and preaching sermons would lead to a wider audience. I’m not saying I expected to be famous or even well known. I’m not going to lie; I dared to dream once in a while that I could be more than I am, be someone who’s name came up when people talked about this thing or that thing  but now my dreams can be best described as backwards. Instead of a vision of what I want my future to be, my dreams revolve more around the past and the question, “What if?”

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I’ve been having an Affair

It is no longer a secret. I have shared this information with people who are close to me and now I share it with everyone. When my wife and I sat down to talk I didn’t know what to expect. She just looked at me with very little emotion. Every so often she nodded showing she agreed with what I was saying or that she was already aware of what I thought was a secret. It’s not that I had the affair in secret, no, it was quite the contrary. Everyone who has seen me in the last 30 years or so, has not only seen me with me affair partner but has for the most part thought we were happy together. They also saw me with my wife and we were happy too, so they said nothing.

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Be Present – the Greatest Gift

It’s 11am, 4 days into our 5 day getaway, a break from life that was way overdue but also will be far too short. We will pack up tomorrow not only the clothes we brought, the wheelchair I now need and finally used almost all the time but also the memories of what I can only describe as what my marriage should have been every day for the last 37 years. Sadly, it has not been like this. I understand that not every day can be a holiday, but every day can be a great joy. I can face all that comes my way with God and my wife, the only person that I would ever want to face the good and more often the bad things that just are life.

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Wisdom The Hard Way

I know a lot of stuff. I’m not bragging, you know a lot of stuff too! We all know a lot of stuff. That doesn’t make us smart and, unless applied correctly, it doesn’t even make us competent. Our brains are full of stuff. The smartest people in the world have additional stuff in comparison to us average people. The rest of us, the less smart and even lesser smart people know stuff. The truly wise people, they know stuff too but there is something more, something different about the stuff they know or at least to the way that stuff is incorporated in their lives.

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I Am Out of Words

At least that’s what I have felt for the last year. What used to pop into my head and rattle around until it was ready to be assembled into a blog post has been nowhere to be found. Once in a while there would be something, but that something was really nothing but a longing to have something come out of what popped into my head, but nothing popped into my head that was anything close to becoming something. I am not sure you can write a blog on not being able to write a blog because you have nothing without creating a blog that is a lot of nothing trying to masquerade as something. I still believe I have something to say…

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What If It Is All Taken Away?

Have you ever imagined life without the things and people that make it special? For some the loss of those closest to them has become a reality while others are coming to grips with the fact that the unavoidable isn’t far away. The remainder are aware that life, even if it is going perfectly at this point, will at some point be interrupted by loss. I must admit as self-absorbed as it seems, lately I have been more focused on the potential loss of the things that make me, me.

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